Share this pageGrieving for June: "A Picture of Stan Without June"
- Details
- Published on Thursday, 29 December 2011 00:49
- Written by Stanton O. Berg
---
"A Picture of Stan Without June"
---
(Based on a 1972 song by George Jones)
---
Imagine a world where no music was playing.
And think of a church with nobody praying.
Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue?
Then you've seen a picture of Stan without June!
---
Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing?
Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing.
If you've seen a red rose un-kissed by the dew,
Then you've seen a picture of Stan without June!
---
Can you picture heaven with no angels singing?
Or a quiet Sunday morning with no church bells ringing.
If you've watched as the heart of a child breaks in two,
Then you've seen a picture of Stan without June!
---
(To hear the original 1972 song by George Jones in a duet with Lorrie Morgan, click on the below link)
---
Grieving for June
---
---
“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4 (KJV)
---
Redeemer Lutheran Church Grief Share Program
Some of my friends, relatives and family may think of me as perhaps just a little strange…I am still grieving for June who passed away on 23 October 2008...I have been through three “Grief Share” programs at our Redeemer Lutheran Church and I am signed up for the fourth one to start in February 2013…I have also recently participated in “Surviving the Holidays” in early November…just in time for Thanksgiving and of course Christmas immediately following…This is another of the programs presented by our church for those who have lost loved ones and fear the approaching holidays…
---
“When we lose someone we have loved deeply, we are left with a grief that can paralyze us emotionally…When they die a part of us dies too.” Henri Nouwen
---
I have always felt relaxed and comfortable in these group settings because I know that all of the other members of the group are also going through their own individual journeys through Grief…that they understand me better than any of my friends or family who have not. I enjoy telling them about June and in turn listening to their stories of their loved ones who have also passed on…
---
“My tears are the words with which I tell God of my pain.” Adolfo Quezada
---
Tears are not uncommon and no one is ever made to feel embarrassed if they should find them selves in the position of shedding tears when discussing their loved one...after all Jesus wept at the news of the death of his friend Lazarus...("Jesus Wept"...John 11:35 KJV)
I have also found that there are others in our groups that have been grieving as long or longer than I have…I have also learned that everyone’s journey through grief is different…losing a spouse is also a special type of grief known only to those who have suffered such a loss...it is different and unique from losing a parent, a sibling or an adult child…this is the person we have lived with 24 hours a day and 7 days a week for many years…
---
"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." Romans 12:15 KJV
---
Theodore Roosevelt, on the day that his wife Alice died of kidney failure (Thursday 14 February 1884), he also lost his mother Mittie who had died eleven hours earlier from Typhoid Fever. (Theodore's wife Alice had just given birth to a baby girl, two days before her death. It was thought that Alice's pregnancy and giving birth had masked her fatal Kidney disease symptoms.) On that emotionally crushing Thursday, Theodore wrote a single line in his daily diary...
“The light has gone out of my life.”
The Redeemer's Grief share program is a structured period of 2 hour weekly meetings over a period of three months. A work book with video's guides the flow of thought and ideas. The discussion leaders have previously participated in Grief share groups...while individual participation is not required during the discussion periods, it is encouraged...The group discussions are under a code of silence and all the discussions are to be kept confidential and are not to be aired outside the group. I have found that the Redeemer Grief Share groups are very friendly and supportive and I am very comfortable with the faith based background and overtones. Our group leaders have always been most sensitive, supportive and competent!...
Our family and I have suffered three deaths of family members within a 5 year time period...My mother Ellen on 21 October 2007, my wife June on 23 October 2008 and my oldest son David on 18 October 2012...October has not been a good month for our family!
---
“The presence of that absence is everywhere.” Edna St. Vincent Millay
---
The loneliness and grief while interspersed with periods of Joy and purpose, always lurks in the background awaiting the opportunity to spring forth...and much like the day itself, a wave of sadness arrives with the evening shadows…and yes, everyday I have brief episodes of tears…Grief has a way of ambushing you when least expected…it may be hearing a song, walking into a room or seeing a favorite item of remembrance…for me it is sometimes just opening a door, a drawer or a cabinet...perhaps it is an anniversary that holds special memories...
---
"Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength." Frederick Buechner
---
There are no timetables for grieving...Near the anniversary of the 1st year of June's death, I received a letter from David Glesne, the Senior Pastor of our Redeemer Lutheran Church. In this letter, Pastor Glesne assured me that there are no timetables for grieving:
"...you may have people around you acting as if your grief should have ended a long time ago. But you can't grieve by someone else's timetable. Let yourself grieve for as long as you need to grieve...May God's love for you help you to cherish your loved one in your heart always...Sincerely, Pastor David Glesne."
There are some former couples who have lost either a husband or a wife, and who are able to eventually move on into another satisfying relationship and a second marriage. That is not and never will be another chapter in my life...there just are no other "June's." To me, June is very unique and comes along only once in a lifetime.
I recall the time in August of 1994 as June and I were looking for a suitable final resting place...June commented to me that if I were to pass on first, it would not be her intention to remarry...I never thought that I would ever outlive June based on my family history. My natural father died at age 55 from a heart attack...I had warned June many times that I would probably never reach old age. June and I later signed the purchase agreement for our joint graves at Lakewood Cemetery on our 42nd anniversary 16 August 1994...In a published tribute to June on 9 August 2011 for our anniversary, I also committed myself and announced to the world that...
"You told me once that if you remained after I passed on, you would not remarry. Well neither will I. Remember June, when I would tell you how long I would love you...nothing has changed" –
“I will love you until the sands of time cease their endless trickle”
...and so my journey continues...Stan Berg…30 November 2012
---
(Photo below is Stan's favorite of June - In the year 2002 – Our 50th Wedding - Anniversary Year)
(June in her 5th Year of Alzheimer’s and still doing well - but the dark clouds are on the horizon!)
---
One of June's cousins referred to June as "The lady with the friendly smile and kind eyes!". I suspect that outside of her family, that is the way most of the world viewed her. June had a winning smile and a friendly way. June was much more than that however and I suspect that the world often underestimated her...June was a lady with a strong faith in God, a tireless worker in the church and one of the brightest stars in my universe! June was one of my life's greatest blessings and the Love and the light of my life.
In January of 1998, June was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's as a disease is relentless and as June journeyed into the shadows of this terrible disease, this bright star slowly begin to dim. Eventually as she entered the late stages of the disease only a spark remained and that was soon snuffed out. No one who has traveled into the shadows of Alzheimer's has ever returned! On October 23rd, 2008, after a exhausting struggle with Alzheimer's of almost eleven (11) years, and as she lay like a wounded soldier on a battlefield, God called June home!
I am reminded of the lines from the Poem of "Love" by John Frederick Nim:
"For should your hands drop white and empty - All the toys of the world would break."
---
Reader's Comments
Janice Kennedy - Coon Rapids, Minnesota - (30 November 2012): "Please don't ever worry about what others think. I've never lost a spouse so I can't even pretend to imagine what you've been through. I'm sure that the holidays are going to be even harder on you this year now that Dave is gone too. I wish I could take your pain away, even if it was just for a day or two. I'm glad that Redeemer provides great support groups for you to participate in. I'm sending hugs and saying prayers for you right now, my friend."
Christine Pickard - Lincoln, Lincolnshire, United Kingdom - (30 November 2012): "Thank you, yes, I too understand...I lost a. Lovely friend this year to cancer. I used to work for her other years ...and I miss her .Grief they say time is a healer. Yes but it becomes bearable... Also lost relatives in past ...I think of them All with Love ..."
Barbara Taylor Vaughan - Newburgh, Indiana - (1 December 2012): "Stanton, I don't call it grieving, I just call it living without the one I love...living without a part of myself...no not grieving, just living without a part of my heart."
David Glesne - Fridley, Minnesota - (8 March 2013): "It is a beautiful article ... Pastor Dave."
June's Passing
The "Memoriam" article published in the Minneapolis Star - Tribune following June's death in October 2008, can be seen on this website by clicking the below link. It can also be found on the website on the top navigation strip of the home page under the "In Memoriam" label:
"June K. (Rolstad) Berg - In Memoriam".
