Share this page56th Wedding Anniversary - June and Stan Berg - 2008
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- Published on Saturday, 16 August 2008 15:14
- Written by Stanton O. Berg
June, this is our 56th Wedding Anniversary. You are deep in the final stages of Alzheimer’s and do not understand me. Let me tell the World the story of how you made my life and our marriage an adventure. I call it “June’s Formula for 50+ years of Marriage.”
My father Tom introduced us in the spring of 1951 while I was home on leave from the army. I am sure that neither of us could appreciate the gift he presented us with at that moment. You were a once in a lifetime find. I had been searching for a rose and he presented me with an Orchid. Perhaps it was a “Divine Appointment”. We had our first date on a warm spring evening at “The Spot” on Chetek Lake Narrows. The Tennessee Waltz was a song popular at that time. It became our song.
You and I were married a year later in August of 1952. I am sure that neither of us could have foreseen what a grand life we would have together. We were both only 24 years of age. It was just a few months after my discharge from four years of Army service. Because of my Forensic activities we were able to travel all over the United States and many times to Europe. Our favorite City became London where we established a lifelong friendship with an English couple, the Bruce’s. We watched their two children grow up over a period of years and 8 visits to their home. June you loved to dance. We were able to waltz the night away in such exotic and far away places as Moscow and Leningrad.
June, you were the architect of our lifetime of mutual love and adventure. I doubt that I could ever have visualized the impact that you would have on my life from that day in 1951. I could never have imagined that you would so capture my heart that no matter where I am at, you are the first thing on my mind every morning and the last thing every night. June you are both the love and the light of my life. Our house is no longer a home now that you are living at the Benedictine. A House is just a house without you in it. Although you are gone in body, I find reminders of you everywhere about the house. I find them in every room I enter and in every closet and drawer I open through a hundred poignant little reminders and waves of sadness.
Marriage partners always have a need to accommodate the other’s faults. For me it was so easy. I honestly cannot recall any faults that you may have had. Unfortunately I had and have many faults. You always chose to overlook my faults and loved me just the same.
Every couple will at some time have some disagreements, or arguments. You felt we had none! If anyone were to ask you if we had such arguments or disagreements you would always tell them, "No, we did not." June, you have said to me so many times – “We really get along good don’t we Stan?” While there have been only a few incidents over the years, unfortunately there have been some. I know that they have always been my fault. While I know that truly in your mind there were none, I am sure that like God, you just forgave me and thereafter erased them from your mind and wiped my slate clean.
Speaking from my own experience, most such situations result from little things that have no real importance or meaning but are the result or foolish pride and stubbornness. “Foolish Pride” is that other inner voice that tells us how wonderful we are and that no one dare mess up that image.
I recall one time many years ago when I was upset over something that was of such little importance that a short time later I could not even remember what it was. But I do remember that my childish attitude was very hurtful to you. I remember you sitting down by me, placing your hand on my arm and looking into my face with such sad eyes. It is just one of the snapshots of my life that makes up my personal memory bank. It is said that the Holy Spirit resides in our bodies. Perhaps our conscience is the Holy Spirit at work and that such snapshots of memory come back to remind us to never do it again. I have many times wished that I could go back and relive that day and others in our history, do them over and do them right. Unfortunately of course such things are not possible.
Our life’s memory bank is not a movie or a video. Our life’s memories are all made up of a collection of thousands of snapshots made throughout our lifetime. Some of them are happy ones, some are sad ones, some are ones we are proud of and some are ones we are ashamed of. Many of them we treasure and enjoy reliving. I am so grateful that our marriage produced so many memories that I can treasure and reflect on. It is so sad that Alzheimer’s has robbed you of all such wonderful joys.
We used to tell one another how much we loved each other. We would do this on a frequent basis over the years. Now I do it many times daily but I really do not know if you any longer understand me. I hope that God places such messages forever in your heart.
June, I remember the many silly happy little things we would say to each other. Most of the sayings you taught me. One that you always said to me and to our children was -
“I love you little and I love you big, I love you like a little pig.”
We also had another silly little saying that went –
“I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck and I love you all to heck.”
In the later years I found a quote that I revised and would recite it to you in order to assure you that I would love your forever –
“I will love you until China Meets Africa.
I will love you until the Salmon sing in the Streets.
I will love you until the Oceans are folded and hung up to dry.
I will love you until the Seven Stars go Squawking like Geese about the sky.
I will love you until the sands of time have ceased their endless trickle."
You would always laugh and ask me to write it down and of course I would. Later as you slipped more deeply into Alzheimer’s, it always seemed new to you each time I repeated it. Now June you are so deep in the shadows of Alzheimer’s that I no longer know if it has any meaning to you.
You always let me know how important I was to you and in your life. I now regret that I probably did not tell you often enough how really important you were in my life. I now tell you often but you may no longer understand me.
Your faith, your prayers and your example brought me to the church. It was there that I remember Pastor Glesne one of our Redeemer Lutheran Pastors saying in a sermon -
“The Greatest Gift a Father can give to his children is to love and respect their Mother.”
I remember thinking – Wow that is an easy one. Unfortunately for many it is not that easy or that simple.
I am far from an expert on the Bible. I do know however that there is wisdom for husbands and wives in the Book of Ephesians chapter 5. Much is said about the husband and wife relationships. A very heavy responsibility is placed on the husband. The King James Version says:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
This passage has been interpreted in various ways but it clearly says that the husband should stand by his wife even if it means his death would result from his thus protecting her. I have always hoped that I could respond without hesitation in a like manner if called upon to do so for you.
You always kept a framed quotation from the bible on the living room coffee table. The quotation is from 1 Corinthians 13:7. (KJV) It defines love.
“Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
This quotation also describes your and my love and I hope that it will transcend the horrors of Alzheimer’s.
Thank you June for a lifetime of unconditional love and for making our marriage such an adventure. When I think back, I have no regrets and would not change a thing except for your Alzheimer’s.
Stan
(Printed in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, Sunday August 17th, 2008, Celebrations section in commemoration of the 56th Anniversary on August 16th, 2008.)
Notes: On October 23rd, 2008 June passed away after almost eleven years of an exhausting battle with Alzheimer’s. June's last three years and 8 plus months were in an Alzheimer’s facility. Her last years were at the Alzheimer’s “Villa” of the Benedictine Health Care Center of Innsbruck, New Brighton, MN. See the funeral notice as published in the Minneapolis Star - Tribune. It is located on the top blue navigation strip under the label: “In Memoriam”. Click on: “June K. (Rolstad) Berg – In Memoriam”.
